My mind wanders here

Booklist 2015

I bombed out in 2014 keeping a paper list so I'm going to try keeping one here for 2015. I will update as the year goes on. *fingers crossed* I'm not going to keep up with the little kids books this time around or it would be all little kid books.

Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By In America- Barbara Ehrenreich (My first thought throughout was that she shouldn't be taking jobs away from low income people who actually needed them. It was a good book anyway.)
Show Your Work!: 10 Ways to Share Your Creativity & Get Discovered- Austin Kleon (Technically a re-read, but I really like it.)
Revenge of the Babysat- Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes re-reads are my go to when I don't feel well)
Troll's Eye View: A Book of Villainous Tales -Edited Terri Windlow and Ellen Datlow (Like all anthologies some were better than others, but I do love a good villain and I liked reading their side. My favorites was about the abused boy who meets up with the 'evil' wizard [Wizard's Apprentice], the eldest of the 12 dancing princesses [The Shoes That Were Danced to Pieces], and a prequel to Hansel and Gretel [A Delicate Architecture]. Several of them were duds, but at least none of them had bestiality like several anthologies I read last year.)
Mirror, Mirror - Anthology J.D. Robb & others (An accidental re-read, I could have sworn I hadn't read it, but after the second page I realized I had. I think the Robb one, a twist on Hansel and Gretel, is the only one that's really worth reading.)
Dandelion Hunter: Foraging the Urban Wilderness -Rebecca Lerner (Another re-read, though I mostly skimmed this time. I picked it up for a specific part that I couldn't find before I had to return it. Oh well. I like the idea, though the author works my nerves a bit.)
Amulet Series: Book 3 The Cloud Searchers, Book 4 The Last Council, Book 5 Prince of the Elves -Kazu Kibuishi (I read the first two in 2014 and I love this series. All of his stuff I've read has been good. Bummed that my library doesn't have the next one in the series.)

MONTHLY READING TOTAL: 9 books completed. 2 that I started and had to return before I could finish them. More fanfiction than you can shake a stick at. I'm hoping I can do better as the year goes on.

***I had a list written down and I've misplaced it (isn't that just typical of me) so this won't be complete until I find it, but here's what I remember for sure.*** FOUND IT! YAY!!! Not as many as I thought, boo.
Shameless shortcuts : 1,027 tips and techniques that help you save time, save money, and save work every day!- edited by Fern Marshall Bradley (I skipped the parts not of use to me. Had a few really good tips, some I already knew, some that were outdated and some that were only for Northerners, but it wasn't bad. The shoelace trick was the best.)
The adventures of Johnny Bunko : the last career guide you'll ever need - Daniel H. Pink (I liked it. Don't know if it will help, but I liked it.)
The Taking - Dean Koontz (I liked it okay, it was weird though. What's with all my weird authors going into weird religious places?)
Suicide Squad. Volume 1, Kicked in the teeth - Adam Glass (I like Harley Quinn, she's why I picked this one up, but I do not love the change from her being the most clothed villainess in DC to wearing unzipped/unbuttoned booty shorts and an unlaced corset. The story was okay though.)
God Save the Queen - Kate Locke (Eh. Interesting premise, but maybe not the best I've ever read. Still, vampire Queen Victoria was kinda interesting.)
How to Stay Sane in a Crazy World - Sophia Stuart (Meeeehhhhhhh? It was well meaning? I'm glad it helped her during her difficult time, but it was for someone in a muuuch higher tax bracket/different lifestyle than me. I could go forever without her describing something else as 'delicious' or using this ;-) ever again. Blegh. I really felt like I'd wasted a bunch of time after I finished the very general tips in the first chapter. I wanted to like it since she wrote it based on the kindness of internet peeps and after she survived cancer, but I really didn't. The pictures were lovely though.)
MONTHLY READING TOTAL: 4 books completed for now. I think there were more and I know 6 books completed, still not great but better than 4. I started a few that I abandoned, because much boring/done. Still, much fanfiction was had as well.

The Amityville Horror - Jay Anson (I put off reading this book so long because it traumatized my mother when she was pregnant with my sister and she always seemed weird about it. I kept wanting to yell at the people in it. I hate books/movies/lives that hurt kids so a lot of it was NOT OKAY for me. Not going to make my top 100 ever.)


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bad llama, llama face

*internal screaming*

I don't want to go to work in the morning! I know that since it's my sister's kids and there's only two of them that I shouldn't complain, but it's an early start, a long day, two small kids who need a lot, way under minimum wage pay, and just a lot of little irritations. Plus my sister has to pick me up in the morning because my mother's car broke down Friday and the starter has to be replaced tomorrow.

It's probably ridiculous, but I'm just very tired of it all.  
The Hand That Writes The Stories

What I've been up to lo these many months

Quick update, just to clear my head of things:

  • My aunt is doing okay. She had the mass removed in early November, was supposed to be laparoscopic but had to go to incision (6-8 inches). The mass itself was the size of a softball. She was stuck in the hospital a week because she kept being unwell and her heart acted up. My mother stayed with her so that her kids wouldn't have to see their mother like that. They put her on some new meds, have had her on a heart monitor thingie, and she's had two of the four chemo treatments she's having as a precaution. She shaved her head since it was falling out, but otherwise she seems to be fine, if tired of doctors (even though hers have all been good). 

  • None of Mom's applications paid off, but she is getting to work a little at her job, enough that we're okay. It was lucky she could take off to be with my aunt.

  • My sister had her last baby on November 23, a little girl. I call her Monkeyshines mostly. She's tiny and taking care of her and the wee nephew at the same time is interesting.

  • Thanksgiving was pretty good, at first. I got to see a cousin that hasn't made it out in a few years (he's had troubles and I wish him the very best and I hope very sincerely that he's not staying in his car right now). Then my uncle showed up. He is the 3rd child, 1st boy, and the one who was hospitalized at least twice because of pneumonia/heart issues. They even put a pacemaker in, though it's only partial active (??? I was very confused) because they got his meds to work. Well I saw him late this summer and he'd lost at least 30 pounds and he said he thought it was his medication. He'd lost maybe another 20 at Thanksgiving. He was gray, tired, and had a whole list of horrible symptoms (most of the side effect list for the meds and ALL of the overdose ones). My grandmother and mother went to a place Mam-Maw used to work to get him an oxygen tank. He has since gotten onto different meds.

  • Christmas was very good. We all had a nice time, here and at my grandmother's. No one cried or fought this year. My nephew and I walked up the road to the cemetery near my grandmother's so he could take pictures. My uncle was still then and weak, but not as bad or gray. We got to see Mom's bff and visit her apartment, which was sort of an honor because she doesn't normally let anyone out of her immediate family and Mom in.

  • Work: I take care of my sister's kids for far less than minimum wage and she doesn't get maternity leave. She has managed to get some time off, but she does their payroll so she has to go in each week. I worked Fridays in December (Mom had time to help me) except the one immediately after Christmas. January I'm on Tues/Thurs schedule, plus whatever other days my sister decides she "needs" me. February I'll be doing MWF and then full time in March.

  • Writing has been a little weird. I gave up on my NaNo with all the many goings-on messing me up and I've only just gotten back to trying to daily write. I really would like to publish something and finish PiaP this year.

  • I turned 28 a month ago. This is not how I expected my life to be at this age, but I'm okay.

  • At some point I want to post the reading "log" I've been keeping since mid-2013.

  • Misc: I poke at Tumblr some now. Hobbit fandom with lady!Bilbo is my favorite. ao3 is addictive. I hate being cold.

I'm THE fierce pomeranian girl


Collapse )Ugh, I'm just feeling off and I hate it.

On happier news, the weekend before last I hung out with one of my best friends while my mother was out of town. We had a good time and I did a lot of window shopping that has me inspired to look for a few cute pieces in my size. And we were made to feel old by going into Claire's, especially since we were alive when a lot of it was popular the first time. It was fun. The perfume outlet store is still the devil though.

And now to do something worthwhile while the kiddo is still asleep.
My mind wanders here

The why

So I've mentioned here that I struggle with depression. I do, though I've never been formally diagnosed as such. That's something I just deal with, sometimes I don't even notice until I'm way in a hole.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Last year I had cause to be depressed, one that I could actually pinpoint for once. I was already in a slump. Then we found out my sister was pregnant, conceived on January 1st (frankly I could have done without knowing that about my sister's sex life, but she's always been an over-sharer in that regard- I nearly jumped out of a car at a stop light once to make her stop, but I digress...)  I was not happy at first, more about the fact that they couldn't afford another child than the child itself, but I came around. Her oldest son was fifteen and her youngest was three, she wasn't working much and her husband didn't have a real job (don't get me started on his business, just... let's not.) I started to care though and we rallied like we always do.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Then she went in around March or April and they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat anymore.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I felt awful. I had been less than enthusiastic to start with and now the baby was gone. My mother was a wreck, my sister was a wreck, and I felt so very guilty. I won't go into how angry I was, and still am, about how my brother-in-law acted during that time, except to say that I hope someday he gets some of it back. My sister had to go in and have the procedure to have the tissue removed, though they'd considered having her carry it. I think she would have had a break of some kind if they had, and I would have hurt someone. .                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I did my best to take care of everyone. I kept my youngest nephew for my sister. I hid all the baby stuff my mother had accumulated in my room because it made her cry. I did what I could to comfort them. I don't know that I ever dealt with my feelings on the matter because I still feel a step removed from them, but I'm better now, I think. I couldn't even tell my friends for months and I'm still not in regular contact with anyone because of the whole depression thing. .                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                My sister got a job while she was pregnant, an evening shift temp thing with the IRS, then when that was over she got her current job with the local fire department as the secretary/admin whatsit. My brother-in-law was supposed to get rid of his (failing, failing for years, so failing) a/c business when he got his current job, as a maintenance dude at the local university, and sell off all five of the work trucks and other crap he wasn't using. He did not. He sold two (for way less than he paid, way less than they could have gotten if he'd listen), gave one to my oldest nephew, and still has two. He did get rid of his rented office, but he did not get rid of all the crap which is still in their garage and I would sell behind his back if I were my sister. (If I were my sister I wouldn't have married him, or I'd be a divorcee/widow right now. Anywho.) He still does side work in the afternoons, on weekends, or will take off time from his real job (guess who disapproves? all of the women in my family pretty much). .                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                It's not great for me, but I'm not as depressed and my sister is actually paying me to keep my youngest nephew fifty or so hours a week. Less than minimum wage, but it's better than she's done in the past. That's besides the point. The point is that we're okay and I thought I was getting back to myself. I've been writing, nothing ready to post but still, and I've been easing back into my online presence. .                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                But my sister is pregnant again. A little girl. Due in December, a couple days after my birthday. Probably she'll come closer to Thanksgiving, if she's anything like the two boys. .                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                We held off telling anyone for months. She told some people in July, but this is the first time I'm talking about it outside of family. We didn't want to jinx it. I still feel anxious as hell putting it out there. I haven't mentioned it to any of my friends. I'm putting it here, where no one is likely to read it, to get myself accustomed to the idea. Trying to convince myself that nothing bad will happen if I do. She's at a point where even if she went into labor now there would be an 80something percent chance that the baby would be fine.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Come December, if all goes according to plan, I will be having at least a few days a week where I will be in charge of a four year old boy and a newborn girl. I haven't ever taken care of a girl baby. That's not helping with the anxiety. In fact I'm going to stop here for now, because this is anxiety enducing enough that I feel a little ill. Besides I think this is enough for now.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Sorry for dumping all this out here so weird and disjointed.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
My mind wanders here


I seriously doubt that anyone even remembers I have this blog, but I think maybe I'll start posting here again. I think I have a handle on the stuff that made me stop posting in the first place. So this is a "Watch this space" sort of thing. Cheers.
My mind wanders here

Leap Day

Haven't been around here much, but since it's a ~special~ day, I thought I'd post.
I've been sick off and on since early January, a cold that keeps coming back or maybe I just keep getting re-infected. That has not helped with the mood I've been in. (Oh the joys of being depressed.)
I did actually post a story for today, since I haven't ever posted on Leap Day. I wrote it back during NaNoWriMo so I'm not sure it's any good, but it was the first finished story I stumbled over when I went looking.
I will try to get back on here more often, but I hope everyone is doing well.